I will never know if I’m doing the right thing, or if I’m just dragging myself along for the ride, the obsession with morbid situations. Its fucked up but I just don’t know what the right answer is. If i don’t change things, then things will never change.

Owl City are very beautiful, thank god for them and keeping me happy and together…. ahhhh

Hotel options:

Portofino Inn % Suits

Anabella Hotel

Peakcock Suits

www.arestravel.com

All are near Disney and under 100 USA a night woohoo

The layout:

13Aug 1:05pm Sydney – Los Angeles

La - 5 nights

18Aug 6:30pm Los Angeles – Las Vegas 

Vegas – 3 nights

22Aug 1:05am (OUCH) Las Vegas – Minneappolis
Minneappolis – Miami

Miami – 2 nights

25Aug 7:25am Miami – New York

NY – 5 night

29-31Aug New York – Sydney

YAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa

People may think I’m harsh, irrational or generally a bitch. This is where you are wrong, it’s more to the fact that I cannot accept other peoples mistakes or give them the chance to continue fucking up around me. This may be seen as insensitive, but really it’s a learning curve for you and me protecting myself.

On moral grounds I will never let you win. I will fight the fight regardless if it is worth it, I will do it to prove a point. If you think you are so hard done by then recap on why you are in this situation to begin with. You cannot keep blaming others for the mistakes you have made on the way. You are a product of your situation.

I gave you one chance to redeam your self and you well and truely blew it. Second time round you didnt even think twise before you messed up again and here we are now, who is getting the last laugh.

Is this ever how you thought you would be at 21, with nothing to show for wasted years, lack of self respect and a fake persona you wear so proudly.

Its bad enough that you disappoint those around you, but your self denial is what will take you to an early grave.

After more research I’ve realized I want a more low key wedding. Not in a church but maybe a nice farm or rainforest setting, something a little closer to nature. Rather than a carpet down the isle maybe flower petals

I want a free flowing satin dress, still love heart style but a little more simple. Maybe softer colours for my brides maids.

I also want a jazz band rather than a dj. There is nothing I love more than live jazz music.

I’m also starting to think I want an outside reception under a marquee.

I realize it’s so much work. But it’s really what I want.

I found out my cousin died today. Boating accident off far north Queensland. Fishing trawler. Apparently Naddy and another guy were down below sleeping when some how, due to a net malfunction, the boat flipped over. The skipper made it out alive, but because Naddy and the other guy were sleeping the didn’t make it.

Pop is besides him self and mum is worried he is going to have a heart attack again due to the stress.

Its so sad to see someone so young go. Naddy was only 23 years old. This is the first time I have ever experienced loss. Its a very unusual feeling, almost like something is missing.

I sent them flowers, though it doesnt feel like enough, I guess I will be going to my first funeral soon.

Some times I feel bad for you, mainly due to how pathetic you are. It is funny how even two years down the track and your still following me around. I guess it goes to show the truth about who you really are. Your weak, your sad and no surprise your still lonely!

So heres to you idiot!

I’m getting rather sick of seeing this in the people around me. A mixture of too cool for school syndrome and attitudes doing the one eighty and not for good but for worse.

Did everyone around me suddenly get a chip on their shoulder and actually start to believe the world owes them something.

Ironically enough the people I pushed away due to their bad attitudes have turned around and sorted their shit out and have come back being better people. But those who I kept my trust in have totally abandoned what they have ever told or promised me.
All in all, I feel let down, dissapointed and sadened. Those who were once amazing people are falling short day by day with the nonsence they constantly expell.

They will soon be caught in their web of lies and be stuck with no one to help or guide them.

Tough luck, grow or be left behind.

Next year will be my Christmas, my new family Christmas. Not this tag along bullshit, real family, real people. Just something doesnt feel right about christmas time. To the extent that it makes me feel uncomfortable. All the acting, it just seems to fake.

Christmas should be about the kids, so when there are no kids present at Christmas the purpose of it all seems pretty non-existant. Technically I am the kid in this senario, though, I am not getting treated like that. No Santa, no stocking, no sea food? It just doesnt feel like Christmas!

Next year will be different. It will be Jake, Zucchini, Little Kim, me and who ever is living with us at the time and there will be stocking, lollies, gifts from Santa and sea food in abundance!
Thats a promise!